Too Much Stress

diazepam formula

I applied for something called PIP (Personal Independent Payments) last July. It’s a benefit for people with disabilities and I consider myself to have a disability with my Schizo-affective Disorder.

Well, the decision came back in October that I wouldn’t get it, so I applied for a Mandatory Reconsideration, where I get the people who judge these things to look again and reconsider.

Now it is January and I thought that it was a very long time for them to take over this reconsideration so I thought it about time I found out what was going on, but that would mean making a telephone call and I hate making telephone calls.

In fact, it put me under a lot of stress. I couldn’t do it.

So I dug out some tablets that I had got from the doctor a long time ago. Tablets of Diazepam (otherwise known as Valium). I hoped a tablet of this (2mg) would help to calm me down.

It did a little, but I was still too anxious, so I took another one. That’s 4mg. And finally I was able to make the call.

They told me that a letter had been sent on 29th December, but I never received it. So they are sending it again. But the lady on the phone told me the decision was still negative.

All that stress and nothing to show for it. I will now have to take them to a tribunal to overturn the decision. This knowledge caused my stress to sky-rocket, my heart was beating like a drum.

I had to take more Diazepam. I did take more Diazepam. In fact, another 4mg to try to calm me down.

I am very lucky I have these tablets. Doctors are very cautious about giving them out. But on this occasion I needed them, desperately.

And the department that makes these decisions should be ashamed of themselves. I can’t cope with normal life. I need help and I need that money. They are b*****ds and this isn’t over.

I also need a new supply of Diazepam.

Why is life so hard?



About augustusnds

I did the normal things people do - worked in an office, bought a house, fell in love, but my love would not marry me, she left me. After this it all spiralled out of control, went mad and ended up in hospital, more than once. So I changed tack, gave up the day job and became an entertaininer: writing, producing and performing my own one-person-shows as well as songs, poems and videos. To see some of what I do look at And I search for a way to be happy in a world that doesn't understand me, as you can see in some of my blogs.
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