Oh, how it changes

On Thursday I was so calm and emotionless

But I have schizoaffective disorder, and no emotional state lasts for long. By Friday evening I was a nervous wreck, shaking like a leaf and a thousand miles from calm.

And so it continued on Saturday.

Maybe it is worth it – this shaking and agitation is the opposite of the calm and is therefore a necessary response to the calm. The things I could achieve would out weigh the downside of this agitation.

That is the equation I am hoping for.

Some people might see this as high risk behaviour – but I can’t go back to being on medication and achieving nothing.

I do seem to have insight into how I am so it shouldn’t be too dangerous.

I shall keep watching.

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About augustusnds

I did the normal things people do - worked in an office, bought a house, fell in love, but my love would not marry me, she left me. After this it all spiralled out of control, went mad and ended up in hospital, more than once. So I changed tack, gave up the day job and became an entertaininer: writing, producing and performing my own one-person-shows as well as songs, poems and videos. To see some of what I do look at www.augustusemperors.com And I search for a way to be happy in a world that doesn't understand me, as you can see in some of my blogs.
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2 Responses to Oh, how it changes

  1. My awakening diaries says:

    Hello again. I was where you are two years ago. I went cold turkey off my medication and I remember thinking, “I don’t care if I lose my mind in the process, but more than anything else, I, as a human being NEED to feel.”
    I could write a book on what you are right this minute going through, but we are different in time, place, age, gender, race I don’t know; but the one thing we have in common, is the calling of the Spirit. Everyone on this path is searching for that something that will make them feel whole. At some points, I’m sure we all forget what we even searching for. But I believe and feel, we are all searching for what we had, and threw away. Much Love. Hang in there. The Beautiful Spirit inside you is clearly not giving up, so go with the flow….

  2. My awakening diaries says:

    This is going to be great xxx
    You have so much courage. All of us on this journey do 🙂

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